Turning Down the Volume

This week I’m coming down from a very busy August and start to September and I could not be more grateful that I blocked this week out in advance to get my bearings. There is something about a wide open week that brings me peace. It means there is lots of space to let my mind wander, let my spirit rest, and let my soul get curious.

Wednesday, I spent the morning traipsing through the woods and the fields, following the full moon as she hung low in the sky, before she made her departure behind the white pines.

I soaked up morning sunlight that dazzled heavy dew on the grass, I caught the pops of gold and warm greens at the edges of the wood. I felt the forest winding herself down, settling in before her last great exhale, readying herself for her season of rest.

This month always feels muted, like the volume was turned down on sight, on sound, on all external stimuli. Everything feels a little less bright and a little more quiet, like a glowing, grainy filter was cast over the world around me. I took this feeling back into my studio with me — the golds, the warm blue skies, a waning gibbous moon. I sketched out palettes and tried out some of the scenes that I’ve been toting around in my head over the last few weeks.

Loose sketches and muddled colors a welcome and needed reminder that creating is first for the creator, grateful that I can fall in love with this medium over and over again, that the ability to sit down and make something is something I will have until the end of my days.

I started saying something a few years ago that I continue to believe more and more as time passes me by, “I am the designer of my life.” It is my potent reminder that I get to change things whenever and however I want to. That yes, sometimes life is loud, but I can choose to turn down the volume. If I want a week filled with walks in the woods and marveling at nature’s nuances, I can make decisions that allow me to experience just this. If I notice my nervous system is buzzing from being inundated with too much information, I get to turn off my phone. I get to say yes, and no, and maybe or maybe not.

I think the reason this has felt so potent to me is that I have struggled a lot with extremes in life. Seasons of such intense hustle that I’ve burned myself out. Usually followed by a month of being plastered to the couch because I’m so tired I don’t even have the energy to make anything. What I am finding is that the balance is in the small decisions I make to bring magic and care and excitement into my life every single day. And on the days I don’t feel like I can access the power to change something in my life, nature reminds me that the seasons are always changing.